Whom Shall I Send?: The Inner Struggle of Saying "Send Me"

"...But God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through.”   -Francis Chan

I don't know about you, but I really like being comfortable.  I like having a comfortable couch to come home to, with some good familiar comfort food and a T.V. show that I love.  I like having a group of friends that get all of my inside jokes, a cozy coffee shop to study in, and a day that passes relatively drama free.  I like when my finances aren't dependent on someone else, when I have a cushion in the bank account, and a nice insurance policy that leaves me worry free.  We were designed to enjoy comfort.  But when we give it priority over loving Christ and His mission for us, it leaves us feeling empty and unsatisfied.  Naturally, responding to the call to "Go and make disciples of every nation" (Matt 28:19) will lead us into a lot of uncomfortable situations, but we shouldn't forget his promise after the command: "and I will be with you always, to the very end of the age." 

I've known for several years that God had a different plan for me than a job in the secular field.  Every time I've held a normal job, I get an unshakable feeling that it's not where I'm supposed to be.  Nevertheless, I've put off my calling for all the reasons mentioned above.  After a 2-week visit to Jim Morgan in Romania in 2014 I realized that my call into missions was something I couldn't justify putting off any longer.  I also caught a little glimpse of the truth, that the joy which comes from doing what God has called you to do dwarfs the fears of discomfort.  After voicing my desire to explore the possibilities of entering the mission field, the following 9 months were exceptionally difficult.  I was in a battle against the Devil and my own sinful self.  Through that, God needed to teach me that His love for me was sufficient.  That I didn't need to be dependent on friendships, finances, and hobbies for my joy.  I had to learn to trust that His joy would always be with me regardless of circumstances.

This past summer I interned under Jim Morgan and Drive-in Ministries in Romania for 3 months.  God's provision was incredible as I geared up to leave the country.  I was immensely blessed to be fully supported only 2 months after I began raising support.  Unquestionably, it was the direction God wanted me to go. 

The first few weeks of being in Romania were rough.  The two weeks in 2014 was the honeymoon period, where everything new was fun and exciting.  In 2015 I had a few weeks to get settled before the ministry kicked into full gear and I was mentally struggling to adjust to my surroundings.  It was discouraging and I began to doubt my purpose there.  Once the Cinema on Wheels ministry started up, my heart wasn't in it for a few days.  Then I attended a church service which had a lot of focused prayer time.  It was there that I was able to refocus and restart my heart for the ministry.  I asked the Holy Spirit to fill me until it overflowed into the lives of others.  Effectively submitting that I cannot do any of this by my own power. That was a turning point in my summer.  The Lord began to use me in the evangelistic ministry, giving me the boldness to share the Gospel with groups of people. 

I also had the opportunity to lead several Bible studies with the teens and young adults on our team.  These were very informal times of sharing what we learned from assigned Bible reading, and digging deeper with some prodding questions that I had prepared.  Working on discipleship with the team members was my primary goal for the summer, and it was very rewarding to build deep relationships with a few of the guys specifically.  I had my own apartment in Craiova where two of the guys stayed for much of the summer.  Working with teenagers that are passionate about ministry, giving much of their summer to serve the Lord, is an inspiring experience. 

As the summer marched on, Jim shared with the team that we would be taking the team on two separate 5 day trips several hours away to do the movie ministry in a few villages that we were invited to.  I don't think I knew, until we were on our way there, that we would be staying at an orphanage called Casa Dorca for the first trip.  I have worked with homeless children in Africa, but I really had no idea what to expect at an orphanage.  I remember being nervous about it.  However, that nervousness didn't take long to subside as the kids were there with smiles to greet us and to carry our bags inside.  I literally had the time of my life at Casa Dorca.  These children brought up in me a joy -which ultimately came from the Holy Spirit inside me- that I had not experienced before. 

My secondary goal for the summer was to evaluate God's call on my life.  In other words, I was trying to discern what God wanted me to do vocationally.  Instead, I discerned that it's better if I don't know all the details ahead of time.  The lesson that I learned is to follow God in the next step that He has guided me to, rather than being majorly focused on the long term.  We are a society that values long-term planning, and it is wise to look ahead and plan, but we must be willing to submit those plans to God knowing that He will likely change them.  Right now, I may not have had the life experiences yet that would drive the passion for what God has planned for my distant future, so I have learned to focus more on the present. 

Drive-in Ministries (Cinema on Wheels in Romania) has been a great and life-changing experience for me.  I want to thank the board for giving me this opportunity and the office for all their administrative work.  Mrs. Jones is the hero of the summer, picking up an extra workload in the office.  I believe in this ministry and I'm grateful for the work that Jim is doing in Romania.  I've seen firsthand how it has changed the lives of many people.  Through my experience at Casa Dorca, God lit a passion in me for ministering to the familyless.  I don't know what that means for me precisely.  It could mean working in an orphanage.  It might mean working with refugees.  I'll just follow wherever God leads me.  In the short term I will return to Casa Dorca for a month in December of this year (2015), and I'm also talking with a mission organization about the possibility of refugee relief work within the Syrian refugee crisis.  From the bottom of my heart, thank you for your prayers for me and Jim and the summer ministry in Romania.  Please continue to pray for Jim and his team.  Pray that God would continue to lead passionate young people to join in the work there.  And lastly, please pray that I would have the courage and the boldness to go when God says "go!", no matter the destination. 

Dumnezeu să vă binecuvânteze,

Nate Storvik